So yesterday I was with my friend Elena and we were grabbing some vino for a dinner party at this liquor store in Chelsea near the projects. We exit the establishment and go to hail a cab. We’re not having much luck and we’re too lazy to walk to the corner.
Then a crazy white crackhead woman strolls up to us. She says “Don’t worry I’ll get you a cab.” and starts trying to hail one. I let her know it’s totally unnecessary but she insists. She tries unsuccessfully for a minute then turns around and starts talking to us.
She asks “What the best nation?” having heard this one in meatpacking one hundred times before I reply “DOnation” Then she asks me something like “Why can’t G unit get on a bus? because they don’t have 50 cent.”
Then she starts telling us shit I don’t want to hear.
“I’m tired of sucking dick for money. I don’t suck dick no more”
“I just want 2 dollars for a drink.”
The last part I can relate to so I give her 2 dollars and say “Enjoy your drink.”
I later realize this was actually probably a lie and shes definitely going to buy crack with that money.
She then is so happy she insists upon getting us a cab. First she steps right in front of one that has someone in it and doesn’t move until he drives straight at her. Then she just walks into oncoming traffic with no regard for her life and hails a cab for us. Then she holds the door open for 5 minutes while we wait for traffic to subside to cross the street. We get in the cab and apologize to the driver.
She then mumbles some incoherent crack babble and proceeds to tell the cab driver “These are my friends. Take good care of them… Do you have a dolla?”
Only in NYC